Stress ==> Sick...

Phew...3 sleepless nite...OMG...
Whats happening to me!! Since Saturday nite, i've been insomia... then vomitting!!...NO GOOD!!!

Trying to set up a system for my company. Uncle accountant charging too much! The charges could be a good pay rise for me lor! Stupid bosses!! Now only realise this...haih...
Busy busy...only thinking using up alot of brain energies leh! But physically still can do nothing till it's really set up to start...

But i have one big fear...the uncle neva do the account in actual...instead he "ESTIMATE", at least that is what he always tell me when i ask for opening balance or any working sheets...DAMN man! Oh no...no opening balance...am i suppose to work tru the whole account from the begining of the establishment 2yrs ago till now??
I dowanna die so early leh! Heasache...this is one big stress...

My ex-colleague is willing to start the beginning with me...but with a charge of SGD 500...my boss either kill me or we would rather stop the whole setting up idea... She ar...grrr...
Cut my boss throat also don tink on my behalf lor!...Stress...thinking how to lower the price!

Then studies...hey one good news at last...
My result came out yesterday...CAT Audit... after 3time trying to pass the paper...failed twice...at last!!! I passed aready!! But after 3 yrs...tis is awfully shame lor! Really useless me man!

Now every nite i study till at least 1.30-2am. I dowanna fail anymore!! Now that i am lucky enough to pass... i would be exempted for part 1...proceeding part 2...
ACCA is not easy...100 timesmore difficult to pass...(erm...tats my opinion...tats wat i tink...and tink it shd b)
2.1 Information System ==> me totally, completely illeterate
2.2 Business Law ==> me no lawyer...but me pandai to argue and find lobang! so ended uo the class always sounded with my voice...thinking of all kind stupid example but lecturer say i finding lobang to escape my wrong doing leh!
2.3 Singapore Taxation ==> well, at last a computation subject...But a damn lecturer i have!! He just would not mark our works...all he does is teach then give us lotsa works to do, but never discuss!!! Also...he make us all come for holiday classes-full day somemore!!!

Now, i am so worn out...but there's no time to rest...
I'm in a war!!! War of Life!!! War for Living!!
I wan my dream house, a cosy family...my target...to be achieved!! If only i can suceed...aih...i'm doubting aready now!!!

人。。。的道理

今早， 随手翻翻报纸拣到梅艳芳生前的照片。好奇之下，就读了那篇章起来。由于时间太早，大脑还美苏星根本不知道读的是什么！可笑！哈！不过，却很清楚记得一行字。

这是梅艳芳生前说过的一句话。
“做人真的好雷，若可以选择我要当一只小鸟自由自在地在天空飞翔！”

我举手抬脚非常同意咯！虽我是无知傻头傻脑的，有时还像个大小孩，我的心其实很老很老的。经过一段漫长的二十二年，发生过许许多多的趣事丑事，也经历了各种风雨波折至今还没看到一线的成功，真得很气馁，很累！

我常想我婆婆发牢骚。总是怨天怨地的，叛逆的我甚至会埋怨我父母把我带来这世界上。年幼无知的我， 由于曾经过一段非常困苦的路程，辛苦的被人撑了起来。盆骨被撞击激裂，医生就告知我一是个比自己实际年龄老十年的家伙了！也可能如此，我的话题常都会反映出我已踏入老年级的阶段了。

我的盆骨常常都会很剧烈地疼痛。 这是免不了的也是我永远的痛，永远的负担，永远的事情。这也成为了我与婆婆之间的话题。我婆婆常会讥笑我年纪小小，却把自己画成个老头子。
“阿婷啊！你笑笑就这么唠叨埋怨，左痛右疼的， 什么时候才痛到我那么老啊？”

嘻嘻！有时可真地说得对！人还年轻的我，可是要过一些像老人家的疼痛，做人真的好辛苦好累，老人家是更加不用讲啦！

最近也真是累透了啦！工作时间是非常短朝9晚5， 可是加上每个星期二，三，四都得赶着下市中心上课直到晚上十点，在赶到回家已经是夜晚接近十一点，吃饭洗澡都十二点出了， 还得勉强支撑着体力翻阅书本温温习。真是很疲倦！早上七点就得赶快爬起床，趁家里还没有人醒来，我先把汤褒好把饭弄好， 好让我亲爱的回家时有晚餐吃免得又要痴痴等我迟迟归来才吃晚饭。没上课的晚上我却忙着准备当晚的饭菜，吃饱后又得忙明天的需要！现在我终于体会到家庭主妇真难当！可是我总见我妈妈来去非常自如的，无忧无虑的没烦恼的就可煮出一顿美味晚餐。身为女儿的我感到有点羞辱，绞尽脑汁都还不知要煮些什么！

总而言之，生活上有太多太多的压力烦恼。或者是未雨绸缪，也可说是自己没事拿来烦的。所以，小鸟真是幸福可以自由在空中飞翔！可是当他们遇到老鹰时，还是猎人所谓目标是。。。后果将会不堪设想！

那么人类幸福还是小鸟幸福呢？。。。唉。。。倒不如说世上所有的生物都难做。。。

Lunar Seventh Month...

I'm not sure if i should be supertituos over the happenning recently.

It's now the 18th day of the chinese seventh month now, also known as the ghost festive month.

My mom used to restrict me from going out late at night during this month, as she say there are alot of "hing tai" arousing, wondering everywhere. To be on the safe side, we were told to stay at home.

Since the starting of seventh month, there was already 3death of someone that i known of.

First, was my very best ex colleague's father passing away on the 4th day of seventh month 28/07/06. He had colon cancer and mild stroke...

Second, also my another ex colleague's, a pantry aunty, husband. On the 14th day of seventh month 07/08/06, he passed away also with colon cancer...

Third, my grandaunt, on the 17th day of seventh month 10/08/06, she rest in peace. She was complaining that she did not feel well, so the kind loving husband immediately called the doctor to come over. But, sadly before the doctor arrive, she drop out. This is really shocking. She was ever healthy, only abit weak, always walking up and down, she even went to Great Wall of China.

Last night, after getting the news, i saw some other people setting up for a funeral too at the deck downstair my flat. I'm not trying to be sensitive, but...it does not feel good.

Summing all situations and wrong feeling together, i felt a chill over me...

I fear, not for myself...but sorry to say fear for my granmother.

She has insisted to come all the way down to Singapore. An old person sending another on the road...bet you know what i am thinking. Try observing this, look at the area around, whether is it people related or non related to you, or in the neighbourhood, if one person started to have incident like this, it would rise like mushroom.

Once when i was in my boyfriend hometown, the same small village, someone passed away. The next day, another few coincidently followed. It is just like a disease, spreading over.

When i was young, i used to see this situations happening, but due to youngness, i was too naive to understand. Still fresh in my mind, i remember the situtation of my grandfather's funeral. On the third day, after we send him off, storm came along. Aluminum roof was blown away, thunder lightning striking non stop. Was it a good or bad sign? Shortly, at least two others, living in the same street of the neighbourhood, followed my grandfather's path.

Yes, undeniable but reluctantly, i am supertituos, very, and i fear alot.......

SAD NEWS

My grandaunt, in Singapore, pass away...

She is my youngest sister of my grandmother. Though not really close, but still we chat quite when we meet. She's cute and funny, likes to cover her face with pure white baby powder. In fact, she is jolly jolly type of grandmother who loves dolls. When i was young i used to come to Singapore to her house. Then she would bring me and my sister telling us that she has a whole room of babies...

Of coz, me and my sis are so fond of babies, and the room of "babies" turn out to be a whole room full of DOLLY... dolls from all over the country, China, Vietnam, Thailand etc...

When she came over to my house, i showed her my "babies", my cute little ones - hamster. OMG, should have cameraed her looked and post it at then. She was so happily playing with my hamster, and she cutely told her husband she wanna buy hamster from M'sia back to S'pore. Funny...with her children character, her husband is so used to treat her like a kid, always with her no matter what. Yes, old and very loving couple!

They have only one son, and is married and migrated to US...now with the news, they should be on their way rushing back.

Grand Aunt, do rest in peace. Love n miss u alwayz.........

Lost Chance vs Golden Opportuinity

Phew...at last sometime to blog the thing which i've been longing to let out.

Dear...Seriously you've poped me a very surprising question. But how serious did the conversation actually go i think we both doubted right? Truely, i doubt myself to. Not becoz i don't like you, nor is whatever in your mind now!

My life...as i always say A Disaster!! Yes, indeed. A linear graph can neva draw my life! Instead, it's a very very hilly, with deep deep valley sharp down beneath! I am so not sure what or how would i end up to be. I'm one who is always confidentless in life.

I've been in two relationship, and currently still going on in the second one. How well is it, i do not dare to describe, as i know fate will always go against me. If i am confident that any good thing gonna happen to me, fate, or i would call it devil or my life destroyer would always grasp the good nice beautiful thing away from me. Maybe its Karma. Maybe i've not been good initially fate is punishing me not letting me have any good thing in my life.

Both relationship i was in and am in, they started the one same way. Infatuation, or i would rather say playfullness.

The first relationship, it was through some "frens"...Argh...to think back, its...eeeew......
Well, at then i was young, and very naive! It did not start becoz of any sparks, not even a drop of feeling. Not knowing what courtship was and what love was, i fell! I fell just becoz i wanna try out, wanna know how it feels when you are in love, wanna know how does courtship feels! Yes, i fell so badly. Fell in to The Well of Hell Fire. I was burnt so badly!

Noone knows how bad did it went except for you. You were there for me always. Not only a shoulder for me to cry over, also a punching bag for me release. At then, i knew. I knew what you feel for me, and i knew how i feel too... But i'm already ruined. I dowanna ruin you. Mostly i dowanna ruin our relationship. I do not know how i would end up...what happen if fate take away my good things again? Not only i would lost a love again, I'll evenlost my best best bestest friend who have been so close so close too me. So i ignore...and i know you understand!

Very fastly, i was into the second relationship. The same way it happen. No sparks, but with was infatuation this round. It started, not really becoz of the infatuation, but instead to forget the past, forget the burnt smell on and in me.

I still remember how down you were at then. I still remember you telling me to considr carefully, though not asking me to cinsider you. All becoz you care so much for me that you dowanna see me being burn being hurt again.

Yes...but i neva heed what you say...i bang my head in again. All with only one hope! hope to be better this time. I know my life! I know fate will neva let me have any nice pretty things. So i might just as well go along the road and grasp what i could and really appreciate! I do not dare to choose, or rather i do not want to make the choice.

Now that you are giving me another opportunity. A Golden Opportunity! But, seriously i dare not choose. Please, Please, Please...i beg to my fate...can youfor once let me have something nice?

Hasty Buzz...

It has been very busy days...

I promised my dear that i would write a blog...but sorry dear...i still don't have time to!
So, i just have to apologize first then re-write one when i actually have free free time to express OK?

Works full time 9-5, studies 3 days a week at night, non study night OT in office till eight, Saturday if can get out of bed you'll either see me in office from 10-6 or 7, otherwise at home editing and finishing my work on my bed PLUS...a very very busy homely woman, cooking, washing, cleaning, Sunday no rest also!!!go jalan jalan, clean wash cook...

One word to my life => ROUTINE!!

Boring?? not so much but VERY TIRING!!! I wanna rest i need a rest! But how to rest...Tension ya!!! (my bf would wish to strike toto...hundred thousand then he'll rest whole month!!!haha...)

Me really really no time!!!!!.....Help!!!