放松。。。在放手

我仍然有太多太多的东西都还学不动。始终，我知道这是不可能的。我再不学会放松，我就永远都会失败，破坏自己的美好。
说是易，可是我凭良心说。。。我怎么也做不到！我不是这类人？这是我给自己的借口？还是对自己的不信？还是对对方又迟疑？
曾经哟人说过“别要刻意迁就一个人，更别要求一个人可以迁就你”这句话是否有道理？可是两个人不是都该互相迁就吗？要不迁就，难道勉强接受？这回好吗？
老实说，我是两者都做不到！这是否代表。。残酷结局即将来临？我是非常有准备，可是心灵上是绝无防备的。我难道又会再次的破碎？
往往，只是小事，为何我要固执？小姐，你在一不是小孩了。一把年纪了，该不会浪费了三年有三年吧？你没么三年可以浪费了，你是知道的！你该不会孩子昂不同吧？
我错了。我相同。我明白。我知道。可是问题时。。。我办不到！要怎么才算是放松？要怎么才算是放手？
不理不问？我曾在首段路走至这地步，也是最后一步！要是我现在放松再放手。。那我本身面临心理上的疑问就更大了。因为，放松。。再放手。。接此就会造成放弃！
阶段很分明清楚：
单身无忧 – 被钓上钩 – 死鱼翻身 – 爱出真情 – 束手无策 – 粘身如胶 – 冲突反复 – 心灵破碎 – 学习放松 – 再会放手 – 袖手旁观 – 毫不理问 – 终于放弃 – 终身脱离
这大概是我可悲的人生情关吧！我曾领会。。可是还是那么笨，学费付完了，却还是一无所学！
做人好苦，做我身边的人更苦，看我做人的才是最痛苦。为什么呢？从个小甜甜小可爱，我改革了。。我蛹出了- 小苦瓜！可怜即可悲。。。

My Path..."s"...

Just start work after a few days rest...erm...not really rest anyway!

My race back home turns out with alot of surprise... same goes to my path which may lead me to!

I managed to meet up with some people, have a long chat with my granny, a long chat with my sis...

I went to see my dream house once i landed bac my home...wow, the price has rise so damn much! Forgive me for my rudeness, but from 250k to a 350k...with every block 9k extra(since block A, and it's now block E), 20k extra for golf view, 1k extra for every floor higher...these are all so much so much! But i just cant resist...and i think the heaven pity me too..coz it was a very rainy day at then...welcoming me with tears?

Had a long chat with my old granny...any and every thing we just talk about...

Then rush to bring my mom for dinner...and yes my mom cut my throat by going big restaurant...only four of us and the bill turned out to be hundreds $$...FAINT!! Anyway, thats no big deal lah...

Then yeah...midnite movie at last, Rob-B-Hood...cute BB cute BB...i wanna pinch pinch
Early next day, woke by my baby sis to fetch her, and of course her buddies all to work...aww...(yawning). Driving was no big deal, but the traffic is! We went lunch after fetching my sis to work...yummy Ampang Yong Tau Foo, too bad not as nice as it used to be!...Hmm, where-else i went? Oh ya...TimeSquare! Went all the way up to the 10th floor then came down. Argh...it's neva relaxing for me shopping anymore since after the accident! Before reaching the ground, around the 3rd or 4th floor i finally have to give up! It was such a pain man!...We targeted my other sis...which claimed to be working in Tesco. So i just made a surprise check there! Haha...we found out her secret at last!

I did catch up with her much about home and things more...and found lotsa hypocrite are actually living in the society! The most important is I learned something and hope to gain within it to be much more wiser. But me...like a bull trying to squeeze the corner as a chinese saying goes.

Night came! That night was fun!...Rum Jungle...my first time in that new club! But my sis seemed to intro the wrong place liao! All old ppl more...or am i too old? 3bottles of Martell VSOP...it was a long long time since i have any drinks...and of course dancing! I dance like a mad dog...keke...shaking the whole body...oh yeah!...till the announcement went off, and it was closed, DAMN! only at 3am! Both of us, too drunk to drive, waiting, chatting wandering with my sis, and the time reached 4++, at last we went to mamak! haha...guess wat! The fella who tried to drunk us was so drunk and gotta b carried away by my sis' friend!

After mamak, we went straight to Bentong, early 6+am, i drove back there! Tiring tho, but happy and glad, we dropped off and slept the whole day! 2days in Bentong, I saw alot of BB(s)...Among all, Chai Ling's BB was the cutest! She say harlo by giving u a cheek hug...ie. putting her wet slimy hand onto ur cheek! Her smile is what i cannot forget! She is just so active, chubby cute little baby girl! Only 5months old, she is now in the walker! And she is so strong, always trying to push herself up stading!...and funny she can even do sit up, ( lifting her head abit higher from her shoulder) keke...She even hold her own milk bottle with her tiny 5mths old hand!oooo.....i wanna hug her so muchy...so huggie huggie! Another thing funny bout her is, she will always shiver after she pee...hahaha...sound sooo....she is just adorable!

"Wonder when i can have my own? Will it be that cute too?"...Wondering too much...keke

But after this trip home, we did gain alot different views, opinion and principles!...I have to much plan in mind...but i'm just like a horse with short legs, running slow enough to drown, with sacks of stone on the back...WTF....!

Anyway, still trying to figure out some solution...but i know he solve my prob...keke...somehow or rather i hope! I'm to tired, or maybe to lazy, to depending...Nah...i just wanna be a BB gurl still!...

Just A Song

I suddenly came across this song...sounds familiar.

Yes, 3years ago...alomost around this season, I broke my 1st relationship. But, I put the blame on him...to make myself to be freed better...And i did succeed! But got into another pit hole...keke

At then, i remember he tried so hard ever just to have me back by his side. Call me cruel...i just learned to love myself abit more than to love others!...Somehow i manage to make him utter the magic word which freed me...this is no more U-turn for him...

However hard he try to push, i never did give in though there were things happening alot in between...It's NIGHTMARE...It's been doomed...TOO BAD!! This song was always humming from him...and of coz from few friends which we both was closed with. Mr Snake...my god-brother was indeed very very close with me at then. Always having lunch and yam cha, anytime during my lunchtime or after work. He took care of me just like a baby girl! KO...i was so fat at then because of you, you know!!

Anyway, come back to the song...he hum this song so much, even Mr Snake hum this song too whenever i see him...I thought he was just making fun of me, telling me that my doings was just a rush...like the song!

After awhile i listen to the song carefully just now...i guess at last i solve a mystery...or mayb hopefully i did. Whether i did or not...it does not and will never matter more. The impulsiveness was not on me...till now i've never regret...neither will i ever regret.

Anyway, it's just a song...not bad...just sit back and enjoy...

http://www.citydriver.net/bbs/music/ee48.mp3

动力火车 - 冲动作
词:张政群
作曲:吕祯晃
编曲:涂惠元

"想你的时候像掉进一个黑洞
看不见天日像寒雪般冰冻
我始终不懂爱与恨有什么不同
你伤心的眼瞳让我慢慢失控 慢慢失控

拥抱的时候却得到一场落空
吹进心的风是无情的嘲弄
笑与哭不同就算再痛也看不透
你无言的嘴角让我 慢慢冲动 慢慢冲动
你无言的嘴角让我 慢慢冲动

冲动
我的手在发抖
爱情路是那么陡
走了好久没尽头
你选择留 我选择走
冲动
我的心在颤抖
怎么和时间搏斗
虽然还是被捉弄
爱你的冲动
心甘情愿被你玩弄"

对你太在乎

http://old.jconline.cn/.../chl/Track02(1).mp3

对你太在乎(国)
陈慧琳

好不好 留下一小步退路
等我把眼泪收住
好不好 让我在你眼里能看出
你在乎
还以为 经历过波折无数
我们会幸福

对你太在乎
没什么抱负
能不能明天再结束
我要你在乎
是要你放慢脚步
只想彼此都不厌恶

我好想 从清醒变得盲目
只要能忘了痛苦
我好想 抱着回忆就好
不愤怒 不要哭
亲爱的 如果最后是陌路
两个人都输

对你太在乎
没什么抱负
能不能明天再结束
我要你在乎
是要你放慢脚步
只想彼此都不厌恶

对你太在乎
没什么抱负
能不能明天再结束
我要你在乎
是要你放慢脚步
只想彼此都不厌恶

爱情复兴 - Joey

http://cache.rox.com.cn/...5793FE4A869FA0.mp3

爱情复兴作
填词:何启弘
编曲:陈伟 mickey chen
监制:舒文

华丽的巴洛克圆舞曲
卡夫卡朗诵着诗句
时空互相交错的场景
中古世纪的爱情

我像关在 被咀咒的古堡
我像闯进 马车经过的巷道
我像听见 修道院的祷告
逆流 时间的路找不到 找不到

爱听说能穿越几世纪
痛苦过幸福过会重映
我们附身彼此记忆
才这样纠缠到无止尽
传说爱能飞几千里
降落到今生的拥抱里
如果摆脱不了宿命
就任它写错剧情

等待着被救赎的哭泣
连上帝都只能默许
我们相遇惊动了天地
横扫乱世的爱情

我像看 到木偶有泪在掉
我像听 见街头艺人的讪笑
我像俘虏 卫兵挡在地窖
逆流 时间的路找不到 找不到

爱听说能穿越几世纪
痛苦过幸福过会重映
我们附身彼此记忆
才这样纠缠到无止尽
传说爱能飞几千里
降落到今生的拥抱里
如果摆脱不了宿命
就任它写错剧情

我们都别再做个逃兵
等待再一次爱情复兴
让秒针暂停
从轮回中睡醒
爱个彻底

爱听说能穿越几世纪
痛苦过幸福过会重映
我们附身彼此记忆
才这样纠缠到无止尽
传说爱能飞几千里
降落到今生的拥抱里
如果摆脱不了宿命
就任它写错剧情

爱是一出
唱不完的歌剧

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you named me,
I hate the way you look at me,
I hate the way you make me laugh,
I hate the way you said you missed me.

I hate you for not calling me, though you never do,
I hate you for not sms-ing me, though you seldom do.

I hate your sweet-talks making me smile so happy,
I hate your promises which you never could keep.

I hate you for who you are,
I hate most that I don't even hate you at all.

Useless Moment...

What I wish cum what I need at this very moment...

More time...at least 48hours a day...
My time is so cramped, I just don't know what and how things should be done. I need time for works to be done. I need all these damn shit to be cleared. I need time to study. My exam, they are so soon arriving. Day pass days, week pass weeks, and I have not yet done any revision yet. I work and I study, I study and I work…this is just so no life…and so tiring! I need time…need time to rest my damn heavy metal brain storing nothing but shits!

I wish to go home, somewhere which I can really call it MY home! I need a home, a cosy one for me to rest enough and be happy in it. I often stay late in office...I just don't want to go back to where I have to call a home now! That's so not home...

Yet, I wish also to go far far away. I need to escape, to runaway, to release all kinds of stress and tension.

I wish I can fly, flying in the sky freely without bound to anything.

I wish to pass my exam. I need to pass my exam. In the shortest time indeed, I HAVE TO pass my exam! I just need the ACCA graduate...but for what?

I wish for someone who could understand why I need to do so, that support and encourage me, that back me up no matter what, that take my problem to heart consoling me. But I have one only telling me that I would fail just because I pushed myself to harsh. Don't I at least deserve some praise or nice words for my hard work at least?

I wish to change, I need a change. But what type of change suits me? What am I suppose to change?

I wish for a cabinet. I need a huge giant cabinet! I want to hide. I need to hide myself into any corner of the huge giant cabinet, where I could be nowhere to be seen by anyone.

I wish to be with the sea. I need to be with the sea. Looking at the calm water, I need letting my mind to flow with the sea water, flowing to a never ending land. Or I could even drown my mind or even myself into the sea.

I need...there's so much I wish to need...but never can be fulfill.
But most of all, I wish and I need so much too be crazy! Sometime I do feel I am. My brain so heavy now, my eyes so sleepy, my mind so shut down, my body so aching, my every part is so useless...I wonder who I am, what I am or even why I am here?...

恋人未满 - SHE

http://asp.rmhappy.com/...-1/200611522632.mp3

为什么只和你能聊一整夜
为什么才道别就又想再见面
在朋友里面 就数你最特别
总让我觉得很亲很贴

为什么你在意谁陪我逛街
为什么你担心谁对我放电
你说你对我 比别人多一些
却又不说是多哪一些

友达以上 恋人未满
甜蜜心烦 愉悦混乱
我们以后 会变怎样
我迫不及待想知道答案

再靠近一点点 就让你牵手
再勇敢一点点 我就跟你走
你还等什么时间
已经不多再下去
只好只做朋友

再向前一点点 我就会点头
再冲动一点点 我就不闪躲
不过三个字 别犹豫这么久
只要你说出口 你就能拥有我

为什么你寂寞 只想要我陪
为什么我难过 只肯让你安慰
我们心里面明明都有感觉
为什么不敢面对
为什么你寂寞 只想要我陪
为什么我难过 只肯让你安慰
我们心里面明明都有感觉
为什么不敢面对

友达以上 恋人未满
甜蜜心烦 愉悦混乱
我们以后会变怎样
我迫不及待想知道答案

再靠近一点点 就让你牵手
再勇敢一点点 我就跟你走
你还等什么时间已经不多
再下去只好只做朋友
再向前一点点 我就会点头
再冲动一点点 我就不闪躲
不过三个字 别犹豫这么久
只要你说出口 你就能拥有我
我不相信
都动了感情却到不了爱情
那么贴心却进不了心底
你能不能快一点
决定对我说我爱你

再靠近一点点 就让你牵手
再勇敢一点点 我就跟你走
你还等什么时间已经不多
再下去只好只做朋友
再向前一点点 我就会点头
再冲动一点点 我就不闪躲
不过三个字 别犹豫这么久
只要你说出口 你就能拥有我
只要你说出口 你就能拥有我

现代爱情故事 - 张智霖&许秋怡

http://210.29.193.120/...（张智霖许秋怡）.mp3

女：
别离没有对错 要走也解释不多
现代说永远已经很傻
随着那一宵去火花已稍逝
不可能付出一生那么多

男：
情尽时就要放过 我怎会想穿心窝
若是厌弃了再不蹉跎
如共你分开应有机会再爱一个
不可能付出一生空虚过

合：
你我情如路半经过
深知道再爱痛苦必多
愿你可轻轻松松放低我
剩了些开心的追忆送走我
皆因了解之后认清楚
离别时笑笑明晨剩我一个
潇洒里也会记起当初

女：若你的心中孤单再找我

男：若你的心窝中空虚再找我

合：不必痛苦当忆起我

我会好好的-王心凌

http://jc.daloo.com/audio/whhhd.mp3

我会好好的
花还香香的
时间一直去
回忆真美丽

我是想着你
一直想着你
你在我心底
变成了秘密

不要说你爱我 你想我
如果你的心里没有这么做
只是勉强的敷衍我
我知道了会很难受

我要你默默走 不回头
我会清楚明白你要的是什么
无须勉强的安慰我
说奇怪的理由

到现在还是深深的
深深的爱着你
是爱情的友情的 都可以
那是我心中的幸福
我知道它苦苦的
----
要给你远方的祝福
我知道它苦苦的
----

少少的道理。。。

做人偶尔看开一点。。。那心情也自然会美好多。。。
放松做人吧！别在执著啦！

Mixed Chats...

This is a combination of topics and chats from different people. It may not make sense at all...

"FRIENDS REMAIN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN...TILL THE END..." at least thats what i feel, think and want...

Do not analyze me, I'm unpredictable. Moreover, do not judge me, no one shall, not even myself.

There are a lot of things, things unknown, things hidden, things unpredictable.
There are, too, a lot of chances. Chances are created by oneself, grab by oneself. The chances would grow if only the oneself knew how to create the opportunity, how to grab and how to handle. Chances are always around everyone, it is not to be said given by others, but given by yourself. But, bear in mind of conditions! Chances come golden when the 3W & 1H works along, i.e. Who, Where, When & How...
As a Chinese saying goes 天时，地利，人和...

Do not question me, I'm unanswerable.

There is no answer neither a yes, nor could there be a no.
I do not like to make empty hopes.
I could not bear lying to others, but I've been lying to myself so innocently.
I could not bear hurting anyone, but I've been hurting myself so deeply.

I do not demand for anything. The choice is not mine to be held.
I do not want you waiting for me, for an unworthy, for emptiness.
Yet the choice is yours.
I do wish in my heart someone could wait.
But yet, I hate myself for being selfish.
I hope one day someone will understand me.
But I know it just so impossible, as I can't even understand myself.
I dream one night Peter Pan would bring me to wonderland,
Yet, my mind is too sound and clear.

Life is only once, there is no take two, but, unfortunately, I did!
My mother's saying “Live life fullest, like nobody's matters! Tomorrow's sorrows are not to be known.”
There is no U-turn in life, just live without regrets. But how many can go on without regretting? How many of us actually live the fullest of everyday?

My mind is confused, my nerves are all crossed. My brain has overcooked, and I'm losing controls.

Everyone has a dream. A dream is a dream, is abstract. A dream is a hope, but a hope of emptiness. A dream is easily shattered if you lose control to your dream.
“I wish my dream to come true!” Everyday thousands ad thousands of people would make a wish for their dream, but how many does really come true?
A dream remains a dream. A dream is only in the mind without real action. A dream will never ever come true.
“My dream came true!” Wonder why dream does come true?
The dream is in fact not real, but when you get it moving in reality, it will come true. Things need to be worked on to be achieved. Dream will never come true with only wishes.
The next moment you wishes for your dream to come true again, think twice! Get your butt off and work hard on it then only you would success! You are no longer a kid which needs daddy mommy to grant you the wish...
GET REAL...

But how real I am myself???... I doubt still...