Visit to SenSei...AGAIN~~~

My breathing getting worse and worse. Plus my coughing, non-stop everynight waking up just to cough. Some people even ask me if i'm gonna cough any blood out of me. That's how bad i'm coughing.

At last, stubbornly i went back to the sensei. Didn't want to go coz too costly, no choice still i went coz it's damn suffering.

The first thing he saw me coughing my lungs out, he shake his head. Then he start feeling my pulse, then took a look at my tongue. Well, i'm not exaggerating, but he gives me the feeling that the situation is really bad.

He said i'm not suppose to stress out too much, and not to think too over. Erm...did i? But how to relax? I'm really getting fed up living up with problems.

Cut the crap off, he gave me, say 6 different medicines. 2bottles to be taken in the morning 20biji each and a huge biji like a guli to be taken 3days once. Then after lunch, 2capsules type medicine, a 3biji and 2biji. These were said to be wild grown LingZhi. And the night, another bottle 8biji. My throat is now automatically locked. It's such a suffer to take so many many medicine. I'm darn! Moreover, these all sort of sufferings cost like shit...Say more than SGD600.00....

I hate it, I hate it, not coz the medicine is bitter but its so pricy and yet, how much does it really work? But my bf insisted me to get cured. Why must i get cured? Especially i don't even know the meaning of LIFE, i don't even know what am i living for now, what is the purpose of life? Where is my destintion, where am i supposed to go, supposed to do? But who could i tell this to? He doesn't like me talking nonsense like this. I dono who i could turn to anymore. A piece of advice from the sensei, he told me to let go myself, go enjoy, get him to walk me in the park, to spilled my heart out. He seems to be able to think what i'm thinking...just like a fortune teller. But i know better than anyone else. He's not gonna do such a thing for me...

I feel so lost, i'm lost indeed, i donno where i am, donno where i'm going, what i'm doing, what i'm thinking. Is my pace too slow? Or is it too fast? Maybe i've neva moved at all, i'm still at the start? I'm lost, and i'm so lost with no destination no purpose...