A Complainer, A Whiner, A Loser

Days are boring. I'm either giving up on myself, abandoning myself, self ruining; or i'm just lacking of some magic dust to power up.

Days and night, all i complain is that, i can breath, air just cant get into my lungs, or my bone is pain...These complain sound so...annoying actually and i knew it. But i cant help it.

I am so not even 1% independent!

All i know is whinning like an overage baby. Whin about my job...yeah super duple sien. Whin about my damn pain. Whin about my meaningless life!

Well... i guess though i'm often unwell... that makes an excuse for me... and i'm too dependent to person beside me. I look up to my sister and salute at her. I wish to be like her... i was once actually same as her... If only i never pass the past path as it was...if only time can goes back... I'll choose my path... and i'll never be the same.

But this would never happen. I guess i would still be leading someone's else path, hopefully mistakenly i could re-enter to my path...to where i want to be, what i want to be. Too many dreams but its empty. A loser giving up hope grazing nowhere.

Visit to Chinese SenSei

I've seen too many doctors, but...chinese sen sei 1st time in my life.

Guess how amazing chinese medical could be. With just a swift feel on the wrist, he not only tell the pulse, but also your behaving and habits.

I've been quite breatheless nowadays. Air just cant get into the lungs thoroughly, always and almost suffocating. This was the only things i said, after he read my pulse, he told me alot of my habits, more like a fortune-teller than a sen sei.

I seldom eat in the daytime, or rather do not feel hungry. But once the night falls, my stomach start growling. When i don't eat, i really eat nothing, when i wanna eat, i can eat up the whole cow. Everytime after a meal, i'll start yawning and dozing off. The sen sei get every of this habits correctly.

Even my sleeping habits he could tell. I'm always restless...my brain! Though, i may be asleep, thats only my eyes. My brain, yet are too awake, and wondering from the north to the south of the world!

Dear Sensei...could you too tell me how my future would be?... its just amazing!

Of course, the medicine part is also shockingly amazing! Though its small round little one, black bitter-sweet...erm...but 20-30biji everytime and twice a day is alot leh!... And the worse is too many nice stuff i gotta give up. Especially chocolate!...cakes&bread, grapes... Aih...

A Decision to be Made...

Donno how things happen...but decision will have to be made by tonite...
And this would seriously affect alot...please pray for me!

Life really sucks!