Lost Chance vs Golden Opportuinity

Phew...at last sometime to blog the thing which i've been longing to let out.

Dear...Seriously you've poped me a very surprising question. But how serious did the conversation actually go i think we both doubted right? Truely, i doubt myself to. Not becoz i don't like you, nor is whatever in your mind now!

My life...as i always say A Disaster!! Yes, indeed. A linear graph can neva draw my life! Instead, it's a very very hilly, with deep deep valley sharp down beneath! I am so not sure what or how would i end up to be. I'm one who is always confidentless in life.

I've been in two relationship, and currently still going on in the second one. How well is it, i do not dare to describe, as i know fate will always go against me. If i am confident that any good thing gonna happen to me, fate, or i would call it devil or my life destroyer would always grasp the good nice beautiful thing away from me. Maybe its Karma. Maybe i've not been good initially fate is punishing me not letting me have any good thing in my life.

Both relationship i was in and am in, they started the one same way. Infatuation, or i would rather say playfullness.

The first relationship, it was through some "frens"...Argh...to think back, its...eeeew......
Well, at then i was young, and very naive! It did not start becoz of any sparks, not even a drop of feeling. Not knowing what courtship was and what love was, i fell! I fell just becoz i wanna try out, wanna know how it feels when you are in love, wanna know how does courtship feels! Yes, i fell so badly. Fell in to The Well of Hell Fire. I was burnt so badly!

Noone knows how bad did it went except for you. You were there for me always. Not only a shoulder for me to cry over, also a punching bag for me release. At then, i knew. I knew what you feel for me, and i knew how i feel too... But i'm already ruined. I dowanna ruin you. Mostly i dowanna ruin our relationship. I do not know how i would end up...what happen if fate take away my good things again? Not only i would lost a love again, I'll evenlost my best best bestest friend who have been so close so close too me. So i ignore...and i know you understand!

Very fastly, i was into the second relationship. The same way it happen. No sparks, but with was infatuation this round. It started, not really becoz of the infatuation, but instead to forget the past, forget the burnt smell on and in me.

I still remember how down you were at then. I still remember you telling me to considr carefully, though not asking me to cinsider you. All becoz you care so much for me that you dowanna see me being burn being hurt again.

Yes...but i neva heed what you say...i bang my head in again. All with only one hope! hope to be better this time. I know my life! I know fate will neva let me have any nice pretty things. So i might just as well go along the road and grasp what i could and really appreciate! I do not dare to choose, or rather i do not want to make the choice.

Now that you are giving me another opportunity. A Golden Opportunity! But, seriously i dare not choose. Please, Please, Please...i beg to my fate...can youfor once let me have something nice?