Three Years Ago...

Three years ago was a disaster, for me and 2 other pals and a family.

It was around this season at then. I wasn't one who is superstitious, but just an intention to get my elder cousin sister a birthday gift. So i went shopping, and decided to get a crystal, as she was still single at her age! After having a bracelet chosen, the seller known as Man, was also a palm reader. At first sight he noticed me, he request me for my palm to be read. Out of curiousity, i did. And the results?... "You have a very short life! Do you drive? Please be careful while in the car...etc..."

Come on, i was never superstitious, but was really curious how short is this very short, so i kept asking. But, no definite answer was given, as a saying goes 'Heavenly words are not to be exposed'! Nah...that did not worry me much, but other words from his reading was...somehow accurate though not in 100%. I paid for the bracelet for my cousin, and ended up getting myself one too, for longevity, though not superstituos. But the stone was a beauty, its name white jade, purposing for longevity.

I have that stone put on, wherever i go from then. It just kinda became a habit. I brought friend there to, unknowingly why i did so. But everytime i was there i just questioned for the length of my life. I was really doubting the shortness of it! Short as in 20yrs? 10? 8? 5?...5 was really short...i even said 1...he just shake his head and refused to speak a word. My friend convince me to quit the curious. "Fate is fated, so whatever to come will come when time is right. So no use knowing lah!" Fine lor i thought.

Around then too, we planned a trip, among friends, my good old secondary mate, including the 4 victims too. We have a fun time in Genting for 2-3 days. These few days was the best and happy hours. It soon came to an end, and we came back to our busy life, as usual - Studies and Exams! Anyway, we ended the trip with a "luxurious" dinner just opposite the Kelana MRT station. BBQ steamboat. My boyfriend intended to pick me up and joined us for the fun.

Me was really busy, busy bbq-ing the food for my bro, Ray & my bf...Phew! I don even have time to eat. Though, i still manage to get a few bites and lotsa fun. But, these all almost took my life--by a small little fishball! The round thing just got stuck in my throat. Not coming up, neither going down, i was out of breathe. All i have in mind was just to get the fishball loose from my throat. I kept trying to suck in air, gulping drinks just to get it down. Instead, i got choked, and both my bro and my bf just stared at me. They thought i was just being greedy eating too much, and they laughed at me. I guessed i must have looked very funny.

I can't bear the choked anymore, i ran out to the road side, leaning my body forward with the support of a car parked beside, i cough my best to release the choked. After seconds, the fishball really came loose! It came out at last! I went backto my seat, gasping my breathe, panting. All of them looked at me curiously, thinking i was to greedy eating so much till need of vomiting. Ish! I told my bro and my bf, i was choked by the fishball, and they give me only the "hah" reaction...Faint! I went and wash myself slimmy hand, full of slaver. My throat was already hurt, and i was afraid to put any food in my mouth at then. What a shiver!

Not even a month later, the disaster took place. That was after i started seeing "things"!

It has been three years!... I supposed to have these all wipe off, and kept in a box called memory! And i thought i succeed doing it. But, in actual, i think i did not, at least not 100%...

Yesterday, someone reminded me something. Or at least wake me from my negligence! Unknowing why, i started seeing and feeling things recently. I dowanna know what is going to happen, as "fate is fated. it happen when time is right." But, my delivery man told me things which i guess some among my friends and family may already known about it, but should not be known by me!

"Since, Man(the crystal-man cum palm reader) said you to be very short in life, and that you would have a disadter happening soon... i guess your best friend must have relief you, because you have your stones for protection..."

"She somehow become the scapegoat of yours."

"......"

If these words were to be said three years ago, where i'm still bedded, unable to even attend the funeral, unable to even bow and send her last journey...i would already been crazy or dead. Not because i'm feeling-less now, it just that, i know it is no use to ponder at the past.

My bf told me "No doubt, this may be the case, but why not think it in another way? I should feel lucky instead of neglecting and blaming myself for anything!"

Though, i am not blaming myself, but i do feel guilty abit. But, these are all not my control! Scapegoat or not, not me to tell. Even if now, "things" i see are to come for revenge, i have no words for it. People always say, "Life escaping near death, will be sure be blessed!" But, no matter how hard i think, this saying does not work on me. I do not seemed any much bless, unless having a caring bf, having a job, still living is a blessing...But my pain is worse than dozens of nightmares! This are no blessing ok. If the above mentioned by my delivery man is true, then take it as my best friend asking for her redemption or compensation, or even revenge.

Whatever it is...past is past, whether three years or thirty years, this disastrous nightmare will still float within my mind. It can never be kept into the box of memory.

If revenge were to be taken...fine, i will not hide. As my friend's word "Fate is fated...time will come when it is right", whether things has been arranged or not by fate...i'll still continue be myself...though thought will still fly and wonder...let it be, let it be. Follow your heart, paint the air!