Happening In Just A Day

Happening shits in just a day - yesterday!

Everything went fine, waking up from sleep, going to work and starting to work. Until, some man came to deliver the stationeries, including broom and mop. Things was scattered all over my table, and i was busy buzzing extremely than a bee. Out of sudden, i jumped up from my seat...scared i was! I saw something...something bad and dirty!

I am seated behind my other colleague, and next on my left, is my bosses' room with a full glass separator curtained with blinds. The blinds are always positioned closed. Having no one in the office at then, air-con not on...the blinds should have stayed still. But i saw something, something peeping from between the blinds. It looks like some creature, but again and again i try to think back it does look like a person, but i just donno who. It was really creepy. The last time i actually saw things was before the accident. And the one i saw was...my dear grandfather who loves me most! Though after accident, i continue having feeling seeing my best fren, which actually passed away in the same accident, but i doubt that was real. Guess just because i missed her too much, i imagined her, i even dreamt of her. But there was something undeniable and sure, her number appear calling my phone. And when i tried to dial back immediately, it was out of service.

Come back to my creepy office. This was not the first time i had the feeling here, but was the first time i actually saw the creature, and was definitely staring at me. Come to think of it, its really creepy scary. Actually since young, i always sense creepiness around me. Eg, whenever watching TV with my sis in the living room, i would always look back staring at the dark stairs, which could not have anyone there or upstairs. But i sensed that there are just some weird movement in the dark. My sis is always frightened with my doings. But i cant help it. Even my ex colleague were scared wit me. As we often work late in our cubical office, i would always stare out the corridor, eventhough no one walk pass. But the feeling...the creepiness, its just there. There are something...

This creepy office now, i started working here in May this year. There was nothing like this happening at the beginning. But as time goes by, i started feeling the creepiness, and having goosebumps. I felt blinds being moved, swayed or someone peeping... and all this happen when no one is in the room.

Being able to feel creepiness, i guess i am used to it now, as it started since young. But being able to see things... it's bad feeling! The last time when i saw my grandfather, i almost lost my life in the accident. Some said he's here to bring me with him, but others claimed that he's here to warn me and protect me that's why i am still here. This time round...i wonder what would happen.

No matter what happen, i just hope for one thing... and scold me rite... DEATH would be what i wanna choose if i am given a choice. For the whole day and nite, i am in pain, and it has been consistent for sometimes! This will neva go away, nor will it reduce! It would only get worse and worst! Not even painkiller can made the pain goes for a minute, not even sleeping pills can let me sleep in peace...not even a nite!

Last nite was no difference from any other nite. But the sharp pain was ever ready there, and it was attacking worse...! I can no longer hold back. I throw out, i cried, i throw my temper. And I ate 2painkiller - 50mg tramadol each, then i went off to bed, trying to rest. The pain just would not leave me alone in peace. Crying whole nite, tampering my bf next to me, i know he's irritated and annoyed too! Coz i just would notheed advice to go for massages and see the doctors. He just do not understand, and yet started saying word as though i making myself suffer. Can i change my fate? Do i have a choice? Yes... i do have a choice. I chose to eat sleeping pills...Valium 5mg...double up, so it was 10mg. But still i'm restless, still i could not sleep, though i did fall a few round but woke up almost every hour.

Massages dont even cure. Professionalist massage, traditional massage...relief for now, but still pain come the next hour or so, still i suffer. Consult doctor, specialist...whatever, whoever... it has all been done! And the outcome... neva make a difference. It can neva be cured! Doctors give only medicine...and are all painkillers, which do not kill my pain at all!... It's all a waste of money! Dumping it all into the sea still i would hear some sound. But investing on me?...There is just nothing in return!

What does my life mean?... No more than a word "SUFFER"!... I am blurred with my life, with myself. Is this all a make up by myself? Or is it really happening to me? What am i?...Where did i come from, and where shall i go? What should i be doing?... All i have is dozens of question to zero of answer... Am i borned with question marks?